i need feminism cause dudes try to control how much i drink

That’s actually really, really important. It is not only that men have historically tried to control whether or not women can consume alcohol and what that alcohol would be, but this is linked to a pattern of regulation of consumption in general as well as a regulation of women’sconsciousness.Trying to manipulate this one way or the other can be straight-up abusive, as far as I’m concerned.

don’t try to get her drunk
don’t not let her get drunk

I am making hot chocolate. What should I put in it?

• southern comfort
• hot damn
• buttershots
• cake vodka

Holiday Whatever Ice Cream Drink

Put some Kroger Deluxe Moon Pie ice cream in a fancy cup
Pour some milk on it
Stir it up til it’s like chewy milk
Put some peppermint schnapps on it
Put some whipped cream and some chocolate and some crunched up peppermint or some shit on it

Holiday drinks should always be as toothy toothsome toothy as possible. 

feministfilm:

This is a competition.  We are not here to make friends [with Nick Swardson].

According to wikipedia and this Chicago Tribune editorial that I’m reading, binge drinking is defined as “five alcoholic drinks for men, or four for women, in a two-hour period.”  I don’t understand why the definition of binge drinking needs to be a gendered thing at all, really, but mostly I just thought that binge drinking meant Irresponsibly Drinking Your Feelings.  So if we’re going to to gender that, how many Feelings can a dude Drown before it is considered Binge Drinking?  I mean, I may only have had two alcoholic beverages but I have drank like four hundred Feelings.  Usually, by two drinks in, I have drank All of the Feelings.

So I guess this definition is a little refreshing.  Turns out I don’t have a problem! 

Hey, internet!  If there’s anything I’m good for, it’s showing you nice ways to drink your Canadian Club in the summertime.  Because your eggnog is spoiled and you should really throw it out.

So here’s a tacky take on a classic:  A perfectly adequate kind of Whiskey Collins.

This is how you make it:

• Put, like, a little under a tablespoon of sugar in a glass.  That’s a lot of sugar, so you should put it in a tall skinny Collins glass.  I think you’re supposed to have a whiskey sour in an Old-Fashioned glass, but that’s silly.  Don’t do that.  Put it in something tall, so that you can have more of it, and so that you don’t feel bad because that’s a whole lot of sugar.  What the fuck ever, it’s summer, chill the fuck out.  You should make sure your glass has a print of midcentury architecture on it.
• On top of the sugar, put a shot or a few shots of whiskey.  If you paid more than $6 for your whiskey, then you are doing it wrong.
• Stir it til you have sugarwhiskey.
• Add equal parts lemon and lime juice, or just lemon juice would be fine, fill it up like…less than half way.  Put a lot.  You want it to hurt.
• Shake it violently, til it froths. 
• Put some ice in it, so that it is cold.  The ice is so that it can be cold.
• Fill the rest of it up with club soda.  It has to be Faygo Club Soda, so if you don’t live in the Midwest you can’t have a Whiskey Collins.
• Put some fruit, or whatever, in it.  Put some shit in it.  You’re a girl, Jesus Christ, put some fruit in it.  When I finish all my fruit, I’m gonna put tomatoes in it.  Tomatoes are a fruit, Jesus Christ.
• That’s it.

bmichael:

nickdouglas:

(via Reddit, what is the drunkest photo ever taken of you? : AskReddit)

I’ve been clicking over to the tab with this photo open in it every few moments the last few minutes and every time I do it makes me smile so much. Look at the guy in the back just zoning out. Look at the dude pouring the beer in his mouth. Look at how those beers are precariously barely in the hose, and then look at how the hose is spraying right in the guy’s face. This is a good photo!

LOL I just realized I know these guys but I didn’t realize it at first because Flint/Detroit Weird Scene kids look the same as The Rest of America Weird Scene kids.

I love “let’s talk over mai tais, waitress top it off” so much in spite of its sexism partially because it’s just a brilliant juxtaposition of masculinist attitudes toward women service workers and a hyper-masculine dude drinking a motherfucking mai tai.  No matter what, it’s subversive:  does Pusha just not know that mai tais are kind of a lady thing?  OR DOES HE NOT CARE?!