Marc said this thing about penetration recently that was pretty neat to me. I usually say penetration is boring to me, but what I mean is that penetration is way less stimulating, intellectually speaking, than being a prude; (people are way more uncomfortable with my prudishness than they are with my pussy and that’s endlessly fun to me/joke-rich); that privileging penetration when we talk about intimacy/sex/exchange (esp. when talking about with v-havers who luv it pen[etration] so much) is really alienating and stressful to me for reasons; because sexxxual penetration—really of any order—is just too gross for me to like but not gross enough for me to care about; but this really gets to another center of it:

Penetration is boring to me because Sartre and ontological insecurity because things moving in/out of your body or coating your body is boring to me because sex is exciting for a little while but then it’s not exciting anymore and part of the reason it ceases to be as exciting is that all that boundary confusion starts to go away and you go from ohmygd how is that inside me? to how hilarious that anything can be inside me to i guess this is the part where things are inside me

Ofcourse I understand that in equating sex with penetration here we aren’t just talking about putting things in my holes, we are talking also about the penetrative nature of sex to begin with, but I’m suddenly way interested (finally, after everyone else is bored with it) in exploring ways that sex acts can be non-penetrative.

Most of all this really nails the way I feel—literally but also in a theory-space—about sex. I am always, constantly, uncontrollably disrupting my own physical boundaries. Every second of my life is an exercise in taking things that are in me out of me (often first through a penetrative ceremony). It makes sex different for me. It makes boundaries different for me.

But I hate it when I talk about things being interesting or not interesting, because that’s the stupidest thing of all.

CHASTE AND PURE AND NAKED BASICALLY ALL THE TIME

Songs about sad masturbation are so important to me.

(Source: 1gore-and-sex1, via catladysoul)

Thanks to cloveflowers for this recommendation!

suzy-x:

(Rebloggable as requested)

Frankly, my philosophy is that individualist feminism is fucked up and only promotes solipsistic notions of what feminism is. Yeah, so feminism means different things for everybody, but as long as we keep this moral relativist approach to feminism, it means people aren’t accountable or responsible for doing generally fucked up shit to others. It also makes it harder to identify fucked-up behavior when it happens.

A feminism that is all about choice means people who DO NOT have the choice to “give consent” or DO NOT have the choice to stay at home with the kids or DO NOT choose to work low-wage jobs are NOT addressed. And the majority of non-cis men today haven’t had the same plethora of choices as white middle-class cis women, who have embedded choice rhetoric into current mainstream feminism. (I also think it’s a symptom of late capitalism, in which choice feminism prioritizes a careerist approach to “fighting the man,” and “shopping around” for industries to try and equalize, even if they’re intrinsically unethical— i.e. finance.) I am done with choice rhetoric, because the choice to do much of anything is restricted to only one chunk of people lucky enough to have the choice of whether or not to suffer. Patriarchy is a complex system of social relationships, some of which some of us have no choice but to endure, and others which some of us cannot access or benefit from because of race, class, etc. Examples include being able to go to college, to have heath insurance, to be CEOs, to be ruling-class. Choice feminism is about picking and choosing which social relations and positions are most personally bearable for you, but at the expense of ignoring or even legitimizing others’ suffering. (Ex: “But I can do this, why can’t all women?”) Choice feminism makes intersectionality impossible when it’s about the individual.

Now, do I think people should be able to choose to get abortions? Yes, and in fact I’d rather that people didn’t have to pay for them. Do I think sex work should be decriminalized and taken seriously as a profession? Absolutely, as long as we understand them as workers and make the distinction between worker and trafficking victim, then sure, go right ahead. Being against choice rhetoric as a central theme in feminism does not mean I want to restrict peoples’ choices. “Choice” rhetoric is just dangerous in a world in which non-cis men have very few choices. It means we only account for those of us who have a choice. Leaving feminism up to choice is a superficial and lazy analysis of patriarchy. It fails to address larger systemic issues like institutional sexism, racism, ableism, etc. as long as it’s “all about me.” Choice feminism allows for more conventionally ambitious members of the “marginalized” (i.e. women, LGBTQ folks) to abandon the rest of us in their endeavor to sit in the oppressor’s chair.

Sex-positivity also toes this line of people thinking feminism is all about them and not about a larger system of violence perpetuated against non-hetero/cis men. Also, sex-positivity vs. sex negativity is a terrible way to polarize discourse on sex within feminism; and oftentimes when people call someone “sex-negative” it’s really just because they don’t center sexy sex in their analysis of patriarchy. My feminism, at least, is not just about what I do in my bedroom, but how to challenge systems of domination that keep me from functioning as a working-class queer woman of color. Few sex-positive advocates on tumblr do any analysis of the latter— and I can say that as someone who spent 4 years in college giving talks on consent.

As for “sex-negativity,” all the people who responded to my post on sex strikes with “Ew, I’d NEVER CHOOSE to sleep with an anti-choicer” clearly don’t understand that not everyone has the luxury of “choosing” whom they sleep with, or are sexually assaulted by. Nobody fucking chooses to be raped, which is why choice doesn’t have a place in anti-rape rhetoric. It is why consent is better left as a safe sex practice than an anti-rape tactic. Call me sex-negative, but believe it or not, there are people out there who do NOT care what you want and WILL violate your space the best they can while they can benefit from it. Sex-positivity only goes so far in mediating mutual sexual relationships, but doesn’t take power (or abuse of power) into account. The feminism of our generation must address power. Because behind having a choice is even having the power to make it.

TL;DR I have a headache and I think your feminism is bullshit if it’s only about you and not the implications of your actions/others.

(via funkyfest)

What is the femme flag for “cis lady who paints her nails, mostly fucks and dates cis men, but would like to participate in queer culture publicly”?

Personally, I’m working on “will fight for bottom.”

Maybe, “I would rather be looking at my nails than having sex with you.”

sonrei:

my  only sexual identity is really tired 

(via persephonette)

elephantamour:

97percentchanceofcarley:

Translation - Honesty.

Just be honest people. :D

EDIT: If men and women were NOT SHAMED into hiding these things.

(sexism hurts everyone, not just women)

Honestly, I read this initially as “if everyone admitted they cry when they masturbate” and I was like “!!!!!” I’m way more interested in that discourse. A close second place might be “if men took pictures of themselves crying and women took pictures of themselves masturbating” which, you know, those are all of my interests. tl;dr: on the internet, literally no woman admits to anything except masturbation.

(via safercampus)

pussy-strut:

“an openly misandrist girlfriend”

LUV this. And, like, normally I wouldn’t go there, but I think you should go there: how much dick do you manage to get anyway, E? Like, a lot of dick.

And that was the moment I understood this brand of radical sluttiness: if you can get that much dick quoting Solanas all the time, then, well, girl.

p.s. this should all be like the masthead of your blog.

What I meant to say with that last post was “I’m just really bitter that I don’t have a girlfriend.”